10 tips to become a successful English editor

Failed aspirants for a goal have been seen emerging as quite successful coaches for the goal. There are numerous IAS coaching institutes run by persons who could not make it to all India or even state administrative services.

Scores of mediocre journalists can be seen teaching in journalism institutes. Unsuccessful actors giving coaching in acting institutes for films, TV and theatres is not uncommon.

Quite a few flop litterateurs wisely switched to publishing literary magazines so that they could pontificate in their columns to budding writers what and how ought or not ought to write. The list does not end here but I have to stop it here.   

Given this scenario, I should be forgiven for offering tips (just ten for now) on how to become a successful editor of an English newspaper. My tips are, needless to say, based on own experience of working in the MP’s English newspapers for over three decades.

I have had the misfortune of failing to imbibe even a modicum of success Mantras of the editors I have worked with.  Whether I failed for my own good is a moot point. I leave the decision on my well wishers.

Each editor I worked under had some peculiar qualities. There were a couple of common points too such as insouciance for quality of language in the newspaper and irrepressible longing to be in the good books of the top bureaucratic fraternity at the cost of the paper’s credibility and prestige. 

The tips below are based on observations of one of the editors in my previous newspaper.   

Tip number one

Always keep a veneer of contrived seriousness on the face when in the office. Even if you want to laugh at some genuinely laughing matters, suppress your impulse. The editor must be seen brooding, lest his cheerfulness is misconstrued by the colleagues as a sign of frivolity and companionship.

The editor must keep reminding himself that he is crowned to rule over the lesser mortals and must not look like them. Also, don’t encourage them to be cheerful either by your actions or expressions. Never mind if the colleagues have seen through your sophistry. Let them sneer at you or call you a hypocrite behind your back.

When face to face, they will desist from opening up. And if they don’t open up, substantial discussion or planning on improving the paper can be avoided. This is an intelligent device to save yourself the avoidable embarrassment of blurting out some silly suggestions or betraying your ignorance about the newspaper functioning.

Tip number two

Always promote incompetent subordinates. They are useful tools to snoop at competent ones. Their sycophancy will keep your ego caressed and you will feel elevated. Incompetent subordinates can be trusted to carry out your ‘inspired’ ideas which conscientious colleagues might balk at, fearing adverse impact on the paper.

Mediocrity thrives on the unqualified blessings of the boss. Therefore, mediocre people should be relied upon to run down and discredit honest ones in the office. This way, you can rest assured about security of your job.

Tip number three

Make easy things in the paper look difficult by bureaucratizing functioning. Instead of straight talking to subordinates, take recourse to management parlance. Issue memos in official jargon, using words like ‘with reference to…. vitiating work culture…the management has not appreciated this or that …I am appalled to see…To the shock of my life… etc etc   

Tip number four

Keep ready some stock excuses to spike reports you don’t want published. For instance, if a reporter has filed a story about misdeeds of your politician/bureaucrat/ businessman friend and you obviously don’t want it carried, then frustrate the reporter by all means possible, without saying straight that you value friendship more than the paper.

You can say, there is no proper quote or the story is biased/ libelous. Instill fear of management’s wrath in the minds of reporters about the prospects of the paper being sued for the stories you don’t want published.   

Tip number five    

Have absolutely no qualms in appropriating credit for the hard and fine labour of your colleagues. If some honest and competent subordinate has planned and executed a big story package, don’t hesitate to flaunt it as your idea before your superiors—the chief editor or the owner, as the case may be.

The colleague could, at best, tear his hair out among the staffers or, at worst, try to subtly indicate that you did not give him the credit he deserved.

The editor must have enough thick skin to countenance such grouses with a dismissive air and bide his time to hit the complainant where it hurts most- namely the revision of the KRA.

Tip number six  

Be always willing to do the bidding of the public relation commissioner of the state government. It serves in many ways. For one, it facilitates good relations between the marketing head and the editor. For another, your hunger to expand friendship base in the government is satiated to a great extend. Government press releases ought to be treated with top priority, no matter howsoever falsehood  or stupidity they might bear.

Tip number seven

When you are writing on any subject, don’t give a second thought to placement. It must be on front page and that too on top with your nice photograph. Even if you are writing, say, a blatantly laudatory piece about some bogus government scheme or a minister’s lofty ‘brainchild’ or your bureaucrat friend’s idea to please the chief minister, it must get preference over all other news items on page one, never mind their news value. Don’t bother what reader might say about the paper. For change, you can write critical pieces against local municipal authority on garbage not being cleared in time. But the placement will remain the same.   

Tip number eight

When some one from the main publishing centre (headquarters) descends on your edition for some reason, immediately shed all the snobbery you are used to showing to the colleagues. It’s immaterial what the age or status of the man or woman from the headquarters is. You should leave no stone unturned to keep them in good humour.

Also, don’t forget to poison their ears about the honest and hardworking colleagues. You will be well advised to invite them on lunch or dinner even though you have never bothered to savour a single Samosa with colleagues you work with round the year. If the guests happen to belong to HR department, hospitality should be even grander.         

Tip number nine

You should be least concerned with language of the paper. If too many howlers occur to ignore, conveniently put the blame on the ‘poor desk’. But make sure that your chosen few don’t come to harm. Pick soft targets from the desk. If readers point out mistakes, tell them blithely that it is not humanly possible for you to take care of all the works in the paper where too many linguistically- challenged journalists are employed.

This will create an impression as though you are the most diligent man in the entire office. You can also argue that since the incompetent persons were appointed by your predecessor, you are not morally responsible for their stupidity.

Tip number 10

Never play with filed stories. If an impulse to rewrite a story surges in you, suppress it. You must realize that you were not appointed editor for being good in English language in the first place. Editing is a skilled job where your weakness will be exposed in no time.